This is a guest post. The author is an adopter. They have opted to remain anonymous in order to protect the privacy of their family. Views and opinions reflected in this post are the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the Building Jerusalem blog.

This week has been significant in the UK when it comes to beginning and end of life matters. First, the vote on assisted dying is taking place on the day I’m writing this. Second, though coming with less media attention, an amendment to the Criminal Justice Bill will effectively decriminalise abortion up until birth. I don’t want to debate the big ethical questions here. Rather, I want to focus on one type of reaction among Christians.

There have been two extremes. On the one hand I’ve seen people argue that our response should be to get more Christians coming forward to foster or adopt. So, James Mildred writes the following in Evangelicals Now:

“Are we willing to show the love of Christ by doing all that we can to foster and adopt babies without a home?”

My interest here is that my wife and I have adopted. So, I’m very much in favour of encouraging Christians to foster and adopt. Our children are a great source of joy to us. This is a good and rewarding thing to do. Home For Good and Safe Families for Children have been doing fantastic work in this area. However, such a line can come across as a little naïve when thrown into an article like this. There are three significant challenges not mentioned in that little throwaway comment.

1. Whilst there is a continuous need for adopters, the primary need is not for people to take on small babies. That’s the romanticised image of adoption. If you go into the process expecting to adopt a baby you may well find yourself frustrated and disappointed. If you do go down that route, you may want to consider the foster for adoption option. This means you start by fostering a child with the aim that this will move to permanency. The biggest need is for people to adopt older children, siblings, children with disabilities and from ethnic minority groups.
2. Adoption is not for everyone. Even if a child is removed and taken into care at a very early stage, even if their only time with their birth parents has been in the womb, they are still likely to carry significant trauma for a variety of reasons. Such trauma is likely to manifest itself in all aspects of behaviour. There are differences in how you parent a child who has been through trauma. Adoptive parents need to be fully, realistically prepared and to have a strong support network around them.
3. The process to adopt is lengthy and rigorous. It can take a year to go through the process of being approved. This will involve lots of form filling, medicals, references, DBS checks, a much more besides. There will be a significant commitment to training and then a rigorous interview process with a social worker over numerous visits. Finally you are invited to attend a panel hearing at which it is decided whether to recommend your application or not. This all takes place before you go into the linking and matching process, which can is its own lengthy and emotionally draining path.

Let me reaffirm: I fully support Christian commitment to fostering and adoption. However, we need to help people do this with their eyes open. It also helps for their churches to have a good understanding of what is involved.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, there is an attitude that I’ve seen frequently through the years. I’ve seen it among Christians as well as unbelievers. The reaction goes something like this:

“A lot of unwanted children are going to experience neglect, abuse and trauma. Therefore, it would be far better and kinder for a birth mum to abort their child.”

This view recognises the complexities of adoption. Giving a child up for adoption is difficult and may be a cause of social shame. However, I find it a saddening and shocking attitude to human life. First of all, it makes presumptions about future outcomes. Just because parents may not initially wish to have a child it does not mean that they will then be bad parents once the baby arrives. Secondly, there are plenty of children in the care system who were wanted by their birth parents. It’s not that they were unwanted or unloved but rather that, for various reasons, birth parents were not able to adequately and appropriately care for their children.

What is more, this viewpoint reflects a concerning attitude to the children themselves and, indeed, to all who experience suffering and trauma. We should be very wary about making judgement calls on other’s value and quality of life. Children who have experienced early years and in utero trauma come with complex needs. They have suffered much already. However, they also come with a great capacity to love and be loved, to enjoy life and bring joy to others. One of the things you find out once you adopt is just how many people have been adopted. It is deeply encouraging to see people living fulfilled lives in Christ, including people in positions of significant responsibility, that have been through the care system. Would it really be better if our children had not been born? The clear answer form adopters and adoptees alike is: no!

Adoption and fostering can have a significant part to play in the conversation about abortion. I don’t disagree that adopters and adoptees may have something of value to add to discussions about whether termination is a credible healthcare solution and a reasonable response to children that are either unwanted or unable to be looked after by their birth parents. However, for this to be a good conversation it requires myths to be dispelled and a better understanding of both the challenges and joys of adoption.