Yesterday, The Guardian ran a piece headlined ‘Michelle Obama: white men do not have to worry about impostor syndrome‘. For once, the headline was a pretty accurate reflection of the contents of the post. Or, at least, a significant portion of it. For, Michelle Obama had this to say:

White men do not have to worry about impostor syndrome, according to Michelle Obama, who said she had sat “at every powerful table there is” and not found one who admitted feeling such self-doubt.

The former US first lady told SXSW London that she wanted to “demystify” what it was like to sit in elite meetings, which she said were often populated by people from diverse backgrounds who felt like outsiders.

“There’s so many people like me, like you: women, minorities, folks who aren’t supposed to be at these tables … they are sitting around thinking that they’re impostors,” she said.

“I’ve never heard a white man talk about impostor syndrome. I haven’t met one.”

I wonder what you make of that comment?

I was surprised because I am constantly unsure of myself and almost always convinced I neither know what I’m doing nor am supposed to be at whatever table I am sitting (usually in a kiddie seat not being taken seriously). I have written here about exactly that several years ago. I have also spoken about my general affliction with worry and anxiety and the constant feelings of inadequacy and inability. I was even speaking to somebody on the phone yesterday about exactly this, not long before I read Michelle Obama’s comments, which is perhaps why they so stood out to me.

And maybe I am surprised because I am constantly hearing pastors voicing similar sentiments. I am sure the pastorate has its fair share of cocksure arrogant men (you have probably met some of them), but I also know there are a significant number who are full of self-doubt, who feel insignificant and quite incompetent and that they really aren’t cut out to be doing this. I have written here about how I experience this every time I come back to work from holiday and, often, just after a day off. I, frankly, feel like it most of the time. But I know it isn’t only me. I’ve heard quite a few other white male pastors voice this same kind of thing too.

Maybe some of these things are different in America. I’m certainly prepared to believe it is so. More likely, some of these things are different if you are now in a role that involves sitting at some proverbial table but have come to be sat there from a background – whether class, ethnic, gender or something else – that traditionally hasn’t been well represented. Maybe it is that I work in a deprived community, and work with other churches in similar places, reaching people who generally are passed over, forgotten and are frankly regularly belittled despite having great ability. People who face these things in almost every institution they ever set foot in and have ingrained into them that this is not a place for people like me.

Leaving all that aside, I might say that I have never met a white male public school educated man speak about imposter syndrome, I just haven’t met one. That statement is entirely true. Unfortunately, my having never met one does nothing to tell you whether any of them exist. Frankly, I haven’t met and don’t know all that many public school educated people. I met a handful growing up, but not many and I lived in Oxfordshire! It wasn’t until I became a church pastor and began working with other pastors that I started to meet more, but the nature of where I work and with whom I spend most my time, I’m still not rubbing shoulders with loads of them. I would bet my back teeth that somewhere, amongst the 9% of the population that attend public schools, you could find at least a few who are unsure, feel incompetent and dare to admit they deal with imposter syndrome. And that is amongst those who have traditionally been the most likely to get a seat at whatever table they care to aim for one!

It was also interesting to me because we have just come back from holiday. Whilst we were queueing at the ferry port – being anxious types we got there pretty early and were amongst the first – we duly parked up in the appropriate lane and stopped at a cone blocking the path. Another man (admittedly white and middle aged) had also got there early. Much more sure of himself than I, he pulled up in the lane next to us and proceeded to exit his car, remove the cone and then pull right up to the booths. It led to a little discussion in our own car about why he was so sure he ought to do that. There were a few other similar incidents with a few other (again white men of a certain age) that did make us ask why they felt so confident to be doing what, to the casual observer, appeared as though they were not meant to do. When the staff arrived to check us in, it was evident the confident cone-remover had bucked protocol and it was not welcome! As my wife commented, ‘oh, to have the confidence of the white, middle-aged, mediocre man!’ It just seemed to me that most people there – white men or otherwise – weren’t so certain of themselves that they felt at liberty to just do as they pleased. It was some of them and not even most of them.

For my part, I can assure you that simply being a man has never put me at any sort of ease in any room. I have rarely felt comfortable in meetings to which I am invited, frequently feel I shouldn’t be there and that I have every little to offer. I suspect there are people out there who, for whatever reason, think I’m reasonably bright, I have some ability and something to say. I am a prime example of the kind of person who has everything to lose by trying to join Mensa – a group that literally exists for people to prove they’re actually quite clever when you weren’t convinced they’re the sort of person to be in Mensa. It’s ultimately why Frank Lampard went in. Most actually clever people don’t need to join to prove how clever they are and quite a lot of clever-sounding people have everything to lose by trying to get in and proving they’re actually quite thick after all!

My whiteness and my maleness don’t seem to do a right lot for me. Maybe that is the primary reason I got in the room? Lots of other more competent white male men didn’t though. I am also painfully aware I am not alone. I do recognise there is a certain kind of white man who is absolutely cocksure in his mediocrity. Frankly, I don’t like them. But then, nobody does, including all the other white men who feel like imposters!

So what do we do with all these white males who do have imposter syndrome? Michelle Obama may not have met them, but they do exist. In some number. For lots of reasons. Maybe its white male Americans at issue? Of course, I wouldn’t want to generalise like that – it is neither fair and rarely actually true, even if I haven’t met any myself.