A common reason for people jacking in church, sometimes even jacking in their faith altogether, is what is often termed church hurt. That is, when we’ve been hurt by certain people at church, things in the church or the church itself.
Before I say anything more, let’s just acknowledge that churches full of sinful people can and will hurt us. Any institution with sinful people in it (which, for the avoidance of doubt, is all of them) can and will hurt us sometimes. I am not saying such things are okay. Not by a long chalk. But I am saying we will never eradicate these things. Sinners gonna sin and sinful people gonna hurt people. I don’t like it, I don’t think nothing can or should be done about it, but it is the reality we have to live with until Jesus returns.
Given that reality, let me outline some reasons why – despite the existence of church hurt – we shouldn’t use it as a reason to give up on the church.
Jesus tells us to join a church
The fact is, scripture calls us to join local churches. That is, Jesus calls us to join local churches. Jesus is aware of sin. The Bible notes some quite serious sin within the New Testament churches. It isn’t blind to serious wrongs that occur. And yet, the command remains. To reject it is to say that we know better than Jesus. To insist our hurt overrules his commands, where he has made no such caveats, suggests we know better than him.
Truth doesn’t stop being true because of hurt
If the gospel is true, then it is true regardless of how we feel about it. If the gospel is true, its implications remain true regardless of how we feel about it. If God’s Word is true, it remains true despite how God’s people may behave. Church hurt doesn’t stop Jesus, the scriptures or his gospel from being true. In fact, the Bible is aware of the existence of sin in Christian people and doesn’t gloss over that reality. To reject the church, and even abandon our faith, because of church hurt is not a sensible response to the question of whether the gospel is true. The truth doesn’t stop being true because we’ve been hurt.
There are other churches
There are occasions where we have been seriously and badly damaged by a local church. These are serious matters and they dishonour the Lord Jesus. But those who genuinely love Jesus are not those who give up on church because of past hurt. They may leave this church, but they are unlikely to reject every church. If we reject Jesus because of hurt in one local church, it suggests our faith was never in Jesus but in the church. That is to say, our faith was in the wrong place to begin with.
What is more, what sense is there in rejecting every church because of the actions of one church? Many people find problems in their local school. They may face bullying and serious problems. Few people would reckon that a bad experience in one school is legitimate grounds to reject all schools forevermore. Most would suggest, rather than rejecting all based on one bad experience, you would do well to find another school. By the same token, you may have a bad experience in one church, that may be legitimate grounds to leave that one church, but there are other churches. One bad experience is not grounds to reject every church forever after.
The opportunities to be offended are legion
On almost any given Sunday, if I am so minded, there are any number of things I might take offence at. Someone didn’t shake my hand; someone didn’t greet me; someone didn’t laugh at the little joke I made; someone made a little joke I didn’t like; nobody thanked me for my sermon; on and on and on the opportunity to take offence goes. It’s very easy to live in a world of perpetual sleights and petty grievances. If we allow to live there all the time, church hurt based on very little can grow.
I am often taken back to the Lord Jesus. he was beaten, mocked, scorned, then put on cross and mocked some more. So often I think, if that were me, I’d have been a bit louder about how I literally made everything and the upholding of the universe only continues because of me. But he just took it. These weren’t petty sleights, these were the actions of liars and murderers. Yet Jesus still says, ‘Father forgive them’. It’s hard in those moments of thinking about that to justify very many of the genuine and serious hurts I may have experienced. It certainly makes the little petty offences I may harbour much less justifiable.
The problem isn’t always ‘out there’
One factor we must consider is that the problems we face may not always be ‘out there’. Just as every church made up of sinful people has sin in it, so every person who ever joins a church has sin in them. That includes us. That necessarily means there is potential for us to be sinned against, but there is also potential for us to sin against others too.
It is simply the case that not all claims of church hurt are legitimate. Some people, claiming to be hurt, are simply sinfully responding to not getting their own way. Some people, claiming to be hurt, are sinfully blowing an issue out of all proportion. When these things are at issue, you tend to find somebody going from church to church, with complaint after complaint, and never properly settling anywhere because there is always fault to be found. Sometimes the answer to claimed hurt is for people to get a bit of perspective and reckon that the fault may lie within themselves.
I want to restate here, I do think churches can behave appallingly sometimes. I think sin is real and serious damage can be done. I am not suggesting that is always or even usually the fault of those on the receiving end (even if some claims of hurt are more to do with issue in those making the claim). What I am saying, however, is that a claim of church hurt is not a very credible ground on which to give up on the church altogether and to jack in our faith in Christ. It isn’t logical, biblical nor even always a response to reality as it is.
The fact is, our faith ought to be in Jesus. Our faith is not in the church, it is in Christ. If our faith is in Christ, we we believe in his goodness and we will trust in the goodness of his commands for us, even if it doesn’t feel like they’re all that good. If our faith in Christ goes because we have been hurt by the church, our faith wasn’t ever really in Christ. If it was, we’d find another church. If it was, we’d recognise what the Bible itself teaches – wolves come into the church, sin continues in the church, these are sad realities that do not undercut the truth of what the scriptures say.