The holidays are now over. I, happily, have Mondays off. The old Monday blues are delayed for me until Tuesdays. But the dread is real. The return to work blues are genuine. The silly thing is, there is nothing credible to cause it. I’m not (to my knowledge) walking back into any storms or massive problems. But the dread remains.
As I think about it, I have always been this way. I used to dread returning to school after any holiday. It wasn’t just a generic dislike of school; it was a genuine anxiety about returning which bore no relation to any specific issue that might be going on. I dreaded returning to teaching after the holidays too. Lots going on there, but nevertheless, the same anxiety. Even when I worked for myself this anxiety had a tendency to rear its head after holidays. Nothing much has changed since becoming a pastor.
The issue is clearly somewhere within me. In the face of no specific problem to address and with it having followed me to every job I’ve ever had, it seems clear enough I am the problem. But knowing that doesn’t make the problem go away. Knowing that (for the most part) the end of Tuesday almost always passes without incident and everything is okay so the rest of the week can roll on anxiety-free, nothing stops the dread descending on Monday night. The dread that the wheels will have come off and everything will be on fire; the dread that this was the time away that everybody realises what a fraud I am; the dread that I cannot specifically pinpoint the reason why but am certain that it is well founded all the same. I dread the dread.
Some will rush to point out Jesus’ words concerning worry. Stop worrying, they tell me. Jesus said it is sinful. Unsurprinsingly, telling anxiety-filled people not to be so anxious and demanding worriers stop worrying – who it should be pointed out almost always do not enjoy their anxieties nor want to be worried – does not tend to help. As it happens, I already know what Jesus said about worrying and, not wanting to worry in the first place, I am only worried further that the worry I cannot easily control is now also a matter of sin as well as debilitating worry too! We can leave aside whether this is necessarily the kind of ‘worry’ Jesus was talking about and whether that word in English quite carries his specific meaning. I’m not at all convinced Jesus wants to help troubled souls by commanding other Christians to chide them for their worry. I don’t think Jesus is encouraging us to demand others cease their worrying immediately because it is sinful. It isn’t helpful and I can’t believe Jesus was suggesting it would achieve anything useful. Which begs the question: what can we do to help?
Pray
The biblical answer is also an extremely simple one: we can pray. The scripture means it when it tells us to cast all our cares upon him because he cares for us (1 Pet 5:7). We can take our worries and our anxieties to the God of the universe. He knows all about them. He knows exactly how we feel. He is uniquely placed to resolve our worries, whatever they may be. We can pray that our anxieties would be dealt with by the God for whom nothing is impossible.
Remember God is sovereign
Praying is to effectively do this to some degree. Why pray to a God who can’t control anything, after all? But reminding ourselves that God is sovereign may help our return-to-work anxities in two ways. First, this sovereign God sovereignly decreed that you would be the person to do this particular job. That is quite the stamp of approval and confidence boost when you think of it like that! Second, this same sovereign God is powerful and able enough to keep things ticking over whilst you were away. Holidays, much like sleep, are God’s way of telling us he can cope perfectly well without us, which should take the pressure off.
Remember you are not sovereign
This one might seem obvious when you are anxious. Of course I’m not sovereign; I’m worried because something is beyond my knowledge or control. But there can be an arrogance behind our worry at times. Our worry that things will have fallen apart without us or that we are necessary to resolve whatever problems we assume will be awaiting us (whatever they may be; real or imagined). But the truth is, we are not sovereign. We are not uniquely placed to do what is necessary. This is particularly true for us as pastors; the Lord got on fine before we led his church and he’ll get on fine without us too. Whatever the problems we think might exist, we are not sovereign and the results are not uniquely down to us.