Yesterday (in our area at least) marked the return to school. As everybody knows, the real New Year for most people isn’t January 1st, nor is at – though I think it’s a fairer shout than January – around Easter time. I appreciate a good chunk of the world, my Persian friends included, think of Nowruz as the start of the New Year. But for most people in Britain, the new year has started now. The first day of school, the start of a new term, the date around which most our holidays and church activities end up revolving is the date the schools go back in September.

Two things tend to happen around this time of year. At least, these tend to happen in our house and I suspect they happen in a fair few other houses too. First, we take a big sigh, wonder where the last year went, look in shock at the size of our children and wonder – particular poignantly for us this year (and probably next) – how that little baby we had 5 minutes ago just has just turned up in the oldest class in the school! Why am I having to teach him to tie a tie when he was a toddler no time ago? I doubt we’re alone as we see the relentless – and seemingly ever-accelerating – passage of time.

The second thing that tends to happen is that the kids start complaining and getting anxious about going back to school. A six week break is very nice, but the longer you’re off, the worse that feeling of dread when you have to go back in. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell them that loads of us felt like this when we were at school and it hasn’t gotten much better now we’re in work. We inevitably land on the fact that the first 10 minutes or so will be rubbish but you’ll soon see all your friends are still there, everything is basically the same, you’ll get some work to get on with and you’ll essentially be fine. The truth is, the first week is always the hardest to grind out.

I do think there is something especially hard about going back in after a break. Certainly, the break in routine in and of itself is difficult. But for people full of anxieties – people like me in truth – there is always something to worry about. Have I done what I needed to do? Will this be the year I am suddenly found out? I’m never sure what I’m worried I’ll be found out for, I’m just generally worried that whatever it is will be found out. There are the broader anxieties of whether everything really will be the same as when I left it (they usually are, but one can never be sure). In work, those sorts of worries tend to be more about what will I find when I get back. It’s almost always fine, but there’s always the nagging doubt that it won’t be. Until, half an hour into the first day, you realise it is and you can just get on with whatever you need to do relatively happy that everything is basically fine.

I am minded to think breaks away from church are probably a bit like this too. I certainly feel it when I haven’t been in church for a couple of weeks. I have to get back into the groove of being there. Even if I have been away for perfectly legit reasons, like preaching in another church or being on holiday and having worshipped elsewhere. One Sunday away always feels different to two and if, by some planning error, there are more than that you really do notice it when you’ve been away. It’s almost like meeting together – and everything associated with it – is a muscle that needs constant exercise. If you sit on it for too long, it feels hard getting it moving again.

But I think this is especially true of those who have fallen away and are considering coming back. The longer you have been away, the harder it is to come back. The anxiety of whether things will be the same as when I left will be high. The worry of whether the same people will be there or not and how they will relate to me is significant. The difficulties of stepping back into church – much like a muscle that used to be strong but hasn’t been used in some time – is very hard indeed.

Of course, much like a return to school after the summer holiday, whilst the initial step of going in may be incredibly hard, 10 minutes in and you soon realise there wasn’t all that much to worry about. Nobody is trying to ‘find anyone out’. Most of what happened before is probably still happening now. The people who are there will still engage with you and talk to you and love you just as they did before. The fears and anxiety grow the longer we are away; a few minutes into coming back, we find most of these things simply aren’t a problem. But stepping back in can be hard indeed.

What’s to be done about those who step away and then find it harder and harder to come back? I think how we help our children get back to school, and how we comfort ourselves as we return to work, can be helpful. We can do the following:

1. Acknowledge the anxieties are both real and frankly not unusual
2. Encourage them that things really won’t be nearly as bad as they think (10 minutes in and you’ll realise it’s fine)
3. Come with them on their first day back. They might happily make their own way there every time thereafter, but on the first day back it’s always helpful to have a friendly face meet you
4. Ask them how they found it afterwards and encourage them

The anxiety from being away is real. The fears of going back are real. The longer we’ve been away the more likely these things are to loom large in our minds. But in the end, these fears are not unusual yet all of them are rarely as bad as we think. But better yet, if we don’t get out of the habit of going to church altogether, we won’t have these anxieties if and when we start thinking about coming back.